To catch a floating beauty
by Sapphire1112
Summary: One shot set at the end of series 20. Nikki reflects on her life since she met Jack. I do not own the characters.


I break out of my dark, confining prison and into bright sunlight. I collapse on the ground in relief because at long last, I'm free.

 _I'm free!_

I lie on my back, my eyes closed and I bask in the rays that are shining down on me. The sunlight's so hot, it burns me, but I don't care. I never thought I'd _see_ the sun again. I eventually draw up enough residual energy to clamour to my feet. Dazed and confused by dehydration and my sudden entry into bright daylight, I'm disorientated and unsure of my surroundings.

I _don't know_ where I am.

I stumble around in bewilderment with no idea where I'm going – other than the fact I'm heading downhill. I don't remember reaching the bottom, but I'm suddenly aware that I'm lying in water – salt water. I must have passed out. The waves wash over me as I turn on my back and again muster enough energy to pull myself up. I'm a little more with it this time and as I look around, the environment I'm in is vaguely familiar from the photos Eva showed me.

I _know_ where I've beennow _._ I know where I am _,_ but I'm unable to communicate my whereabouts to Jack _._

I manage to walk a little way along the beach – though, really, I have no idea _which_ way Jack is and my joy at being free is short-lived. I haven't eaten for hours and the water I was given ran out a long time ago. The sun is hot and the salt-water of the sea did nothing to quench my burning thirst. The little energy I've found is soon sapped and before long, I collapse into oblivion once again.

I don't know how long I lie there – hours, certainly, but as I drift in and out of consciousness, too weak to move, I'm aware of the tide coming in and eventually, going out again – and I'm at it's mercy. When the phone died, Jack didn't have enough information to find me – he will blame himself for that, no matter what anyone says. It would have probably be a stranger who found my body on the beach, but at least Jack would have something to grieve over. Now I'm worried that the sea will take my body and he will never see me again – _alive or dead_.

From the moment I feel myself being carried by the water, I decide to keep my eyes shut tight and let the current take me, because I don't have the energy to fight it any more. I know that I'm never going to see Jack again and it hurts more than I ever imagined, but my body is spent. Jack's comforting voice over the phone is a distant memory now, so I might as well accept the inevitable. Clinging on to the pain my death will cause Jack, is pointless – I'm already beyond his help.

I'm sorry, Jack. I should have listened to you when you wanted to take me home. I wish I'd never come to Mexico.

Memories should ease my passing – my journey into the next world, where I hope to find my mum and Leo waiting for me. Everything is out of my control and I have no choice but to be selfish. There is no 'I' in team as Leo once told Jack – but the Lyell team I was part of, is broken. My life ebbing away is all I have. It should help if I focus on Mum and Leo rather then what I'm leaving behind – Jack and his pain - once he comes to realise that I'm dead.

That he couldn't save me.

I don't know how he'll cope – I don't think he will. I try telling myself that if the sea takes me, it will make my passing easier for him to accept – if there is no body, he can pretend I'm still there, but common sense reminds me that it will be worse that way. He'll spend the rest of his life grieving, not knowing what happened – and he'd never stop searching for me – hoping beyond hope that some miracle kept me alive. At least if he sees my body, he will have closure – he'll know I'm not coming back.

I feel my face burning, but I'm not sure if it's the sun or the tears that are threatening to spill. I _daren't_ open my eyes, and the more I try not to think of Jack – the more I think about him. I can't stop now. My mind floats back to the first case I ever worked on with him.

I remember when I first met Jack. I'd honestly never met anyone like him before. There were some similarities with Harry – but really, he wasn't like Harry at all.

One evening during that first case, we were at the pub whilst waiting for the tide to go down. We got on with each other so well – and we ended up flirting without meaning to. We had beer and a game of pool – which I won, _obviously_. We talked and flirted – _a lot,_ but I couldn't make him out.

"You know, Doctor's have a bad habit of trying to tell everyone else how to live." He commented.

"Perhaps we know better." was my answer.

He smirked at me – but it was a cute smirk. "Or perhaps you're just up yourself!"

"Oh, now you're winningmyheart." I chuckled.

That made him blush. I remember feeling touched about that.

I was confused though – he said he went cage-fighting to 'remind him to have some bottle', but I'd never met anyone with _so much_ bottle – and how the _hell_ did he get me down the sewer? I still can't understand _that_. No one can talk me into something I don't want to do – especially not a man, but Jack gave me one look with those pleading eyes and I melted.

We hadn't been working together for very long, when he told me that he'd been wrong not to trust my judgement – and that he wouldn't make that mistake again. He never has.

Jack understands what loyalty means. He's always on my side – even going as far as giving DI Kate Warren a 'talking-to' when she refused to listen to me. I still don't know exactly what he said to her. That was the case where Jack nearly got a knife stuck in his throat. I saved him and I'm so glad I did.

When Leo died, I couldn't have coped without Jack. He was my rock – and still is. I wish he was here now. His voice on the phone during this terrible ordeal is the _only_ thing that kept me going. but then the phone died – and me with it. My only chance of seeing him again is to swim, and I just don't have any energy left.

 _I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry._ I can't fight any more.

I hope Clarissa can look after him. He and Clarissa are really close – and at work they're a comedy duo sometimes. If anyone can get Jack through the pain of losing me, she can.

We've had our arguments – Jack and I. All friends do and generally, our rows are to do with his jealously towards another man.

There are a few he's been ok with - like Jim, but Jack can usually tell if a man is 'no good' for me. Jealousy aside, he usually turns out to be right. Probably, the worst was Greg Walker – who turned out to be a serial killer. Jack and I had a huge bust-up over that. He was right when he told me that Greg was 'working me', but I didn't like being told that – even by him. However, despite Jack telling me that he didn't support me, and I was on my own, I had his support anyway.

Of course there have been some entirely 'innocent' men that Jack has appeared to take an immediate dislike to – even though there was nothing going on, and there was never going to be. That was just plain jealousy on his part – not that he'd admit to it.

We were working on a case in Scotland, and the signs were there straight away that time. I remember it well.

"So, what _else_ did he say on the phone?" Jack commented after we'd arrived – the edge to his voice suggesting that he'd already taken an early dislike to the man in question, but was trying to hide it.

Detective Ross had called us all the way from London because he didn't entirely trust the local pathologist – a view that was well within reason as it turned out – and apparently, my reputation precedes me – or so he said.

I could tell that Jack was jealous from the way he asked the question. He was trying to make sure that the man wasn't an 'ex-boyfriend', so I tried to keep my answer as vague as possible. Jack seemed pleased that I couldn't really remember meeting Ross before – although he was still a little put-out that he hadn't been at the seminar I'd given. Jack automatically thinks that he's been to every seminar I've ever given – which is a bit silly considering I was giving seminars long before we met. It also didn't help that at the beginning of the case in Scotland, Ross appeared to be 'sucking up' to me. However, as the case progressed, Jack had other things on his mind, so the jealousy didn't last.

Another police officer that Jack has taken particular exception to, is DI Luke Nelson. Luke and I were talking enthusiastically about our career paths – comparing notes, and I think that's the first thing that really niggled at Jack, then Luke asked me to look at another case that was personal to him. The case was worrying Luke and was totally unrelated to the case we were all working on, but it was his business so it stayed between the two of us. Jack and I don't have any secrets and it annoyed him because he could see that Luke and I had something going on that he didn't know about. Jack was almost green with jealously that time, but eventually we needed his help with that case too and once Jack knew what was going on and he realised that Luke had no 'romantic' interest in me, everything was fine again.

Of course, police officers in general annoy Jack – something I had trouble understanding when I first met him. I simply couldn't get to grips with his aversion to the police force. It does get him in trouble sometimes.

"Nikki, a police station is leakier then a sieve, you _know_ this." He tells me repeatedly.

He just _doesn't_ trust them – and most of them know that. I remember a case we worked on with DS Anne Burchett. I was the pathologist, but someone else was doing the forensics at first.

"Why isn't the Lyell doing the forensics?" I asked the DS.

"I've heard things about _your_ man." She responded. She declined to comment further, but I can imagine what her reasoning was. However, when Jack later asked to see the crime scene, she had to admit to being impressed. "He's very good. Why has he got such a bad reputation?"

"He doesn't like police." I explained.

He is very good at his job, but I remember with great fondness the times he didn't necessarily look as hard as he could of done, because he was 'told' not to.

"Did you notice any blood at the spot where he went over the barrier?" I asked him once – not too long ago.

"Uh no. No obvious blood or footprints. Detective Renick thought he was likely to be a jumper." He answered.

"But you looked?" I pressed him.

He stared past me vacantly. "Uh..."

And then Clarissa put in: "What did he miss?" sounding very amused.

Bless him.

It doesn't happen very often though – it tends to be the other way around, with Jack going ahead with 'extra' effort to find evidence when he's been told not to.

Jack's dislike for the police can cause issues, but he does turn out to be right most of the time. In fact, for the most part, there's only really one case, where he's not been able to think objectively – and it had nothing to do with the police that time.

He wasn't able to follow the evidence because his brother was involved and the case was personal to him. When he _did_ follow the evidence, it nearly got him killed. I'll never forget the sight of him lying in hospital, all battered and bruised. It will be my turn next – _if_ they find my body. Battered and bruised by rocks, death by dehydration or drowning. Whichever gets me first.

And Jack won't be staring at me in a hospital bed.

Jack's ok now though – he got better and he's still my rock. When I got arrested, Jack never doubted my innocence – and when I suspected Scott, he did his best to reassure me – proving at the same time that he knows me _so_ well.

"Scott has nothing to do with this." He told me. "This is your subconscious fear of commitment casting a big old shadow on the wall, giving you justification to shrink away."

" _I don't shrink!_ " I retorted indignantly.

"Yeah, and you're not scared of relationships either!" He replied, sounding slightly amused.

"I think _you_ should stick to putting things in plastic bags!" I responded, but I knew that he had described me exactly.

I'm vaguely aware that my left arm and leg are stuck fast. I'm still floating with salty waves washing over me, but I'm not going anywhere. Maybe this is heaven. Maybe if I open my eyes, I'll see the pearly gates – and I'll have a nice new body, as my Gran believed. Maybe I'll have red hair this time – I've always wanted red hair, but I was never sure it would suit me. Perhaps, if I open my eyes now, I'll see Mum and Leo.

But I still don't _dare_ to open my eyes, in case Jack's right and there's nothing.

We're so close, Jack and I. Harry and I were close – yes, I fancied him and we flirted, but it was different in some way– it feels different with Jack. And yes, I fancy him too. How could I not?

We had this really beautiful moment at work, where Jack was doing one of his demonstrations. He was explaining it to me so excitedly that his Irish accent came out stronger than normal – it was so cute! I was the same height as the suspect and he made me take off my ankle boots because they were heeled – then I had to stand in front of him and he demonstrated that the suspect was _not_ the shooter. We were so close. I remember thinking about how much I loved his touch – his closeness. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I knew he was standing that close to me - and taking longer than necessary over the demo _deliberately._

Jack is my security. _Was_.

When we were being chased through the forest by a man with a gun, Jack was ahead of me, but he heard me yell as I hit my shin on a tree branch. I was on the ground in pain and he rushed back to help me. He could of just left me there and saved himself, but he didn't. He risked his life to come back for me.

Jack nearly went ballistic at the end of that case, when the person who turned out to be at the bottom of the whole thing, tried to strangle me. I was ok – Amy saved me, but I got back to the Lyell just as Jack was taking Clarissa back to his for dinner, and he saw the marks on my neck. I thought he was going to go down to the police station and punch the man.

Meeting Jack is the best thing that ever happened in my life – and up until I got on a flight out here, I wouldn't change a single moment. I should never have got on the plane to come on this fatal trip abroad. Everyone dies at some point, I know that better than anyone, but there was so much I wanted to do – so much I wanted to say, especially to Jack. I thought I'd have forever to say it.

I guess I could say it now – but he won't hear it.

 **Darling Jack, my best friend – and the one I trust more than anyone else in the world,**

 **I know there is nothing I can say to ease your pain – or to stop you from blaming yourself for this, but it is not your fault. There was only one person who could have told you my exact whereabouts and she chose not to pass the information on. You did _everything_ you could.**

 **Meeting you has been the highlight of both my personal and working lives and I wouldn't change a single second of it. I know it's going to be hard, but try to carry on and find someone. You shouldn't be on your own – especially now.**

 **I know that you will be upset and angry because you couldn't save me. It is as much down to me as it is to anyone - I couldn't give you enough information to help, nor could anyone else, but know this – your voice on the phone kept me sane and you gave me a reason to fight. My final hours would have been horrendous and you made them bearable, so in a way, you did save me and I hope that one day, you can find some comfort in that. Please don't hold onto your anger and guilt, because it will destroy you. Grieve for me and move on.**

 **I love you.**

 **Nikki**

As his strong arms pull me back towards the shore, I think back to when we were down the sewer – trying to solve the mystery of where Deanna Collier died.

"I'm wrong. Shit, I'm wrong." Jack suddenly retorted loudly in a panic. In hindsight, I can see his panic was mostly because he'd unwittingly walked me into danger. Bless him.

"What are you wrong about?" I asked.

"If she's just been murdered her body won't float. Doesn't work." He lamented. " How could I be so stupid?! Dead bodies don't float! If it won't float, it can't rise to the overflow. Shit."

Dead bodies don't float. Of course, I'm not dead.

And Jack is here saving me. Everybody dies, but my death is not today.


End file.
